Exhausted Caregiver: Tips to Restore Your Energy!

The Sanctuary at the Crossroads topic for April is the Caregiver Archetype as defined in Carol Pearson’s book, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World.

What a month of awakening it has been for me! A friend was telling me about the tragedies that were happening in Japan.  I found myself changing the subject. I couldn’t hear anymore. Then, my sister was giving me some health info about a family member; again I went into shut down mode.  Later in the day I realized that I needed to get busy on the article for Sanctuary at Crossroads… Oh it was about Compassion!   Compassion and Generosity are the Gifts of the Caregiver. What happened? Where was my compassion?

Did you ever not want to answer the phone?  Or, can’t stand to listen to the news?
It is easy for Caregivers to focus on others and not on self-care as a result apathy, uncontrolled emotion, isolation, over eating, and even substance abuse can occur.

As a parent, care giving came easy: it is what was expected and something I was willing to do. Compassion also came naturally.  Every time the phone rang and someone needed me I was off and running. Unfortunately, I often fell into the trap of trying to “fix everything” only to find that I cannot be everything to everyone.
Too many times I heard, you need to take care of yourself or you will not be able to help any one else.  But, that wasn’t advice I could listen to or follow.  I could take care of myself later.  I did not want to be selfish and people needed me.  Selfishness is one of the fears of the caregiver.

The 4 main archetypes (innocent, orphan, warrior, caregiver) help us find out who we are.  If our caregivers are developed we nurture and teach, not enable or smother. The task of the caregiver is to help others develop and become self sufficient with out hurting ourselves. As I was getting a deeper understanding of the Caregiver archetype and how it worked in my life my daughter called. I was telling her about the article and explaining the Archetypes.  She recognized me as a caregiver and her and her sister as a warrior.  Then, she asked, “Why do you think your daughters tend to be more ‘warrior archetypes?’” The warrior is important to develop so that the caregiver learns to set boundaries. My girls had learned to set up boundaries from my inability to set them.  I think this is often the case in development.  We see what we don’t want to be in others so we end up over correcting those traits in ourselves.

But, the question for me was, “Where was the compassion I had when I listened to friends, family and even the news?”  At first I couldn’t understand it as Compassion Fatigue.  I thought that was for those working in disasters, war zones, places where there was little hope. But that’s not true, we see it in our nurses, teachers and in everyday people that are trying to care for children, aging parents and others in the community.  By allowing my fear of being selfish to have me put others before taking care of myself I had exhausted my ability to care for others.

Now, I’m learning from my daughters, and my reflections, how to set boundaries, to take care of and know myself. Just as they learn from me to try to understand where others are coming from and treat them with compassion.  That balancing act is what is needed from all the archetypes.

What do we do?
As I grow in understanding the levels of the Caregiver and other archetypes I am using the self help tools available with Jin Shin Jyutsu. (JSJ).  Jin Shin Jyutsu translated means: The Art of the Creator through Compassionate Man. It helps us to Now Know Myself.  We look at the present condition with great compassion, when we find or have compassion for ourselves we can move forward.  The following are simple self help methods for helping us develop a healthy caregiver archetype.

In the first level of the caregiver we react to who is yelling the loudest. Before we jump in, JSJ self help tells me take a moment, stop, Breathe!
Hold your little Finger:
Breathe and Focus on being in the now, not on what I feel I “should” be doing.

In the second level of the caregiver we focus on taking care of our inner child.
Give yourself a Big Hug:
Place your arms crossed over your chest, put your fingers under your arms, and your thumbs under your collar bone.
Breathe, know I am total and complete and can be Happy and Content in any situation.
I am my own limitation.

In the third level the caregiver we must discern, how much to give, and too whom, without shouldering all the responsibility. To understand our own limits so that we will nurture and care for ourselves.
Place your left hand on Right cheekbone
Place your right hand on Right collarbone
Breathe, help me digest the world around me so that I can set boundaries and learn to care for others without harming myself.

In the fourth level the caregiver becomes a positive martyr, willing to give one’s life for another. (Examples are Christ and Gandhi)
Hold the center of your palms:
Hands in prayer or right fingers in left palm and left fingers in right palm
“In this breath, I am One of a kind. There can be no competing, comparing, judging, labeling or being judged.”
-Mary Burmeister

The Innocent, the Orphan, the Warrior and the Caregiver help us find who we are.  I can’t wait to see what’s coming next with The
Seeker, The Destroyer, The Lover, and The Creator.

Hope you all are enjoying the journey,
Donna

Donna Tkachyk
Susan Barack Jin Shin Jyutsu Practitioners

To learn more about Jin Shin Jyutsu or to schedule a session, visit Donna and Susan’s Member Pages!

 

 

Building Courage

I find it quite a “God Wink” that the pre-determined topic for this month’s newsletter  is courage, based on the archetype (aspect of the personality) focus of the Warrior.  This aspect as defined by Carol Pearson’s book, Awakening the Heroes Within:  Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World has the gift of courage, discipline and skill.  It “fights” for what really matters.  As I sit here writing this, my husband and I are waiting for a call from his doctor.  He had a small tumor removed from his left abdominal wall this week and the doctor sent it out to be tested to determine if it is malignant or benign.  This tumor was found through a test for a completely different matter.  It went from “probably being a cyst” to where we are now…the great unknown.   This is definitely a time when we both need our inner warrior.

Frankly, the Warrior has never been a favorite of mine.  The Magician, Ruler, and the Creator are the archetypes I’ve been most comfortable with.  How interesting that I find myself in a time where the qualities I’ve been most resistant to are exactly the ones that I need!  Last month’s orphan work (February’s focus) really stood me well as this whole situation unfolded with my husband.  How amazed and comforted I was when I saw that my orphan had done its work.  It had helped me to develop support systems of fellow orphans, those who have been wounded in their own dance with life, and how these orphans offered their wisdom, their kindness, and their love.  The innocent within has played its part as well.  It has allowed me to have faith in positive outcomes.  To believe that God and the Universe are working toward my highest good and the highest good of those I love. Those pre-dawn whispers of assurance and love have kept me strong in the face of the “what ifs” that push to be heard.  The warrior within has given me the ability to stay in myself, to be there, to love, to support, but not to become.  The caregiver in me longs to walk this with my husband as if I was in his shoes in the vain hope that somehow I could make it easier for us both, but the warrior in me holds me back.  The warrior reminds me that how I can best help is to see my husband’s strength.  To know he has within him what he needs to heal and to grow beyond fear.  To see his power and his strength and to recognize that he is doing exactly what he needs to do for his own growth.  I honor that in him and so doing, I find it in myself.

Are you experiencing a situation that evokes fear in your own life?

If you are, you aren’t alone.  Just a few minutes watching the news will show you that.  I believe this push to face our fears is all part of the process of preparing us for a more joyous and peaceful way of living.  As we draw to us those experiences that challenge us to stay in a place of love, we build the muscles that allow us to do this consistently.  We all have coping patterns that we developed at an early age to get through the scary experiences of life.  I know for me, those patterns no longer work. It’s time to develop a new approach.  I have been shown through guidance that this is occurring collectively.  Some of us are aware this is happening and some of us are being dragged through the experience blindly.  Awareness doesn’t mean we escape the pain of growing, but it does make it a little easier to believe it is all happening for good purpose.

Of course, the life coach in me feels most at peace when I have a game plan for how to bring about change.  My spiritual support team (Angels, Archangels, Guides, and Ascended Masters) have shown me a way to handle fear as it comes up.  I was vainly hoping I’d just get to a place where I no longer felt fear, but I’m realizing that just isn’t how it works (at least not for me).  Instead, I need to learn how to handle fear.  To build those muscles that allows me to get through challenging situations in the best way possible.  So here’s what I’ve been working with.  I hope it helps you as well!

A Game Plan for Building Your Courage Muscles

1.  Acknowledge your feelings.  I’ve found for myself and many of my clients there is a temptation to skip this step.  When faced with something there isn’t an immediate solution for, it seems pointless to listen to our fears, worries, and sadness.  After all, if we can’t fix it, how does it help to express it?  It does help though.  Think of a child you know.  Have you noticed that when a child is upset, the process of expressing what they are feeling often brings them to a better place, even if they don’t get what they want?  Just being heard and having the release brings healing.  Try writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or having a conversation directly with your inner child to provide the opportunity to express what needs to be shared.  It’s the first step to shifting from fear to love, as it is the loving thing to listen to ourselves, even when we don’t like what is being said.

2.  Comfort yourself. I am a firm believer in the importance of caring for yourself as you would a most beloved child.  Wouldn’t you comfort your child if he/she was upset?  Do the same thing for yourself.  Give yourself a hug.  Do something for yourself that is soothing.  Call a friend and let them comfort you too.  Taking good care of ourselves is another vital step in being able to focus on love instead of fear.  Knowing that you will love and care for yourself at all times makes it difficult for fear to get the best of you.

3.  Set an Intention. Now that you’ve expressed your feelings and provided comfort, it is time to be clear about what you intend.  Say aloud or write down exactly what you want to happen.  For example, “I intend for my husband to be healthy and well and for us to have many happy, joyous years ahead .”  You may want to set more than one intention.  I also added this one, “I intend to be safe and secure on all levels and to have a happy and joyous future.”  The point of the intention is to make it clear what you intend to happen.  This should make you feel better.  Play with it until you get something that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed.

4.  Ask for Divine Help. I have experienced first- hand evidence that we aren’t alone here. We do have amazing spiritual beings who love us dearly and are here to help us.  Ask them for help.  I asked Spirit to manifest my intentions and also to bring me any and all support I could receive both on the Earth plane and Spirit plane.  Be willing to receive love, support, and help.  Be thankful when it appears.

5.  Surrender the Worry. This is another step that most of us have a tough time with.  Once the nervous system gets activated, adrenaline and other stress hormones will flood your system. This physiological experience requires some type of action.  Since typically the thing that is challenging us isn’t something you can run from or fight, we try to fight it with our minds.  We keep thinking about what we are afraid of in the hopes of coming up with a solution that can make us feel safe.  Often, we’ll start buying into one of the “what ifs” based on insufficient facts because the brain is very uncomfortable with inputing data and not coming up with a conclusion.  The best thing to do for this is to steadfastly refuse to keep thinking about the thing you are afraid of.  When the thought comes up, simply repeat your intention and remind yourself that God has it all under control.  If that doesn’t work, then do the whole plan above again.  This really is where the muscle building comes in.  Most of us (me included) have built a lot of worry muscles over the years.   Now we are choosing not to use them.  The goal is to keep your nervous system settled.  Focusing on something we are afraid of leads to all those stress hormones flooding the system, which is only going to make you feel worse.  Would you feed your child on fear?  I’m sure you wouldn’t!  So don’t feed your inner child on it either.

6.  Focus on Something Else. The last step of the process is to find what is there for you to do.  Does your house need to be cleaned?  Do you need to get the grocery shopping done?  Is it a good time to exercise?  Stay in the moment you are in and do what is before you to do.  Let yourself get caught up in something unrelated to what you are worried about.  The longer you can go without worrying, the better you will feel, and the more able you will be to handle what you need to.  When your mind starts to slip, just gently pull it back.  You can do this!

So there’s the plan.  I’ve been employing it myself and it is really helping.  I can’t say I’ve got it down perfectly.  As I mentioned, I’ve got forty some years of worry muscles built up.  I am, though, committed to my own healing (and I do recognize that this is also happening for my growth, not just my husband’s).  I am ready to be free from letting worry consume me.  I’m ready to trust my inner warrior again.  I hope you decide to do the same.

Many blessings and much love to you all!
Nancy

Nancy Nicholas is an Intuitive Life Coach offering Empowerment Readings, Empowerment Clubs, Sensitive Person Mentoring, and a Soul Friends Community. She is the author of Soul Friends Guide to Surviving the Pit: A Step-by-Step Handbook for Surviving and Thriving Through Tough Life Changes  (available at Amazon.com and other retail bookstores).  For a free Empowerment Packet and to learn more about Nancy’s work, visit her website: http://www.EmpoweringLightworkers.com.

Live From the Heart

Each day of our lives we walk around with a collection of perspectives or archetypes that make up our personality.  Carol Pearson Ph.D., author of Awakening the Heroes Within:  Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, discusses these twelve archetypes that make up our psyche.  The first two are the innocent and the orphan.  The innocent is the pure inner child who has yet to experience wounding.  It is the part of ourselves that believes the best in others and expects good things to come to us.  It’s our internal optimist.  The orphan is a child who has experienced wounding.  They’ve been abandoned on some level and found the world to be unsafe.  They expect the worst and have little faith in the world as a good place to live.  Both of these aspects are in each of us.  We may resonate with one more than the other, depending on our life experience, but each aspect exists in us all.

I believe that the first step to living a heart-centered life is to bring these two aspects of the inner child into balance.  If we are living to strongly in either perspective we are inadequately loving and caring for ourselves.  For instance, if I am more centered in the perspective of the innocent, I will find myself wounded by people and circumstances where fear is dominant.  If I am more centered in the perspective of the orphan, I will be unable to trust in the good of others and will experience limitation and lack.

A healthy child has a good mother and father.  The mother nurtures, encourages, and comforts the child as they experience their world.  The father protects, supports, and creates a safe space for the child to grow.    The child has to trust the parents to truly be in a state of love and peace.  As an adult, you are your own parent.  You are the one who decides what is safe, what boundaries to set up, what experiences to try and you are the one who provides the comfort when life becomes challenging.

This month, I encourage you to find a picture of yourself when you were a young child.  Put it somewhere prominent that you will see every day.  As you go through the month, ask yourself what this child needs.  Is she tired?  Has he had a good meal?  Would she like to play for awhile? Think of this child when you are confronted with decisions.  By asking yourself if the decision you are about to make would benefit this child self, you are coming from a more loving space and will therefore make decisions that are more in harmony with your highest truth.

Here are a couple of upcoming opportunities to empower you through this process:

The Divinely YOU Club: Do you feel trapped in old patterns?  Do you find yourself reacting to current situations from the mindset of old wounds?  Are you tired of finding yourself struggling with the same challenges again and again?  Would you like to be free of self-doubt, self-loathing, self-criticism, or self-sabotage?  Are you ready to really love yourself, all of yourself?  Are you ready to stop fighting your fears and start living your dreams? I know I am and I want to help you do the same!  This year, I’m inviting you to take a journey with me to discover your own wholeness and Divine nature.  Together, we’ll explore the twelve archetypes that make up our personalities.  I’ll use my intuitive gifts to provide spiritual insight and guidance on how you can heal old wounds, release your fears, and really come to love the amazing person you are (and you are amazing, even if you don’t feel like it right now!).  We’ll learn how to integrate the aspects of ourselves that are often in conflict by discovering and honoring the gifts that each quality brings to us.   We’ll find a way to start living from the heart, to start loving ourselves, and start loving our lives.  Interested?  Learn more on my website (see link)!  Small Group Options begin at $25/month.  DIVINELY YOU CLUB

 

Soul Friends Empowerment Call with Financial Coach Laurie Price (1/27/2011, 6:30 PM -7:30 PM EST): Do you worry about money?  Do you find yourself neglecting your own needs because of these worries?  Do you feel financially secure?  If not, would you like to? I don’t know many people who don’t worry about money, even if they have a lot of it.  Coming from this place of lack, we allow our inner orphans to work us to the bone and erode our sense of well-being and love.  It doesn’t have to be this way!  We can heal our relationship with money, provide the security and sense of safety that we crave, so that we can focus on what we love instead of fighting our fears!  Join me for a one hour tele-seminar with financial wise woman Laurie Price.  Combining intuitive insight with practical coaching strategies, we’ll help you identify your true financial goals and create an action plan to get you there.  Each participant will receive handouts to guide you through the process.  To Register:  Email Nancy@EmpoweringLightworkers.com or call (330) 416-6184.  Cost:  $15 (Soul Friends Community Members, $10—not a member yet?  Join today:  SOUL FRIENDS COMMUNITY

Nancy Nicholas is an Intuitive Life Coach offering Empowerment Readings, Empowerment Clubs, Sensitive Person Mentoring, and a Soul Friends Community. She is the author of Soul Friends Guide to Surviving the Pit: A Step-by-Step Handbook for Surviving and Thriving Through Tough Life Changes  (available at Amazon.com and other retail bookstores).  For a free Empowerment Packet and to learn more about Nancy’s work, visit her website: http://www.EmpoweringLightworkers.com.